"BLACK" OFFICE PARTY!!!!

In Feb. there was a free Office Party featuring Mindy Kaling & Craig Robinson in Hitchcock Hall. It was apparently the "Black Office Party" (Cause it's Black History Month, Craig's black and Mindy gets mistaken for black?)


Mindy Kaling ("Indian" Kelly)


Craig Robinson (warehouse Darryl)

I had shitty seats but for $0.00 I couldn't really complain since the price was right...The show was hilarious. Here's a couple pics from the show. I was going to add video but it took way too long to upload so no video for you. Sorry for the poor quality but we were all the way up in the balcony...also, who's really going to be looking at this anyway? Am I right?

Here she is calling B.J. Novak (Ryan "the fire guy"). His joke was priceless: "Battered women....sounds delicious!............Doesn't make it right...."


She shouted out PerezHilton.com which you know made me happy. She likes the cum dribbles he draws on people's faces just as much as I do. (yay)





"I have a secret...I'm going to tell you my secret but you have to promise not to tell anyone outside of this room...I'm a PC. Sorry Justin Long, I didn't buy my computer to be popular. With your hair and your little shirts. You know sometimes I don't want to edit my home movies and make music with garage band. Sometimes I just want to check my fucking email."


In order to introduce Craig after her set she told an anecdote about the first conversation she had with Craig. It was around Halloween. The makeup/hair people were in his trailer talking about what their kids wore. Mindy asked Craig and he said, "well little Tyree was a ghost and Shaniqua was a witch" etc, etc. He listed about 7 kids all with ghettoish names and at the end of his story Mindy was like "oh, that's awesome..." and his response was, "girl, I ain't got no kids." Her response: "wow, I might be racist..."


Repping the OSU.


Craig literally said like 5 words the first 7 minutes he was onstage. He mostly just grunted and breathed heavily.


Here someone yelled "ZIPPITY ZOPPITY!!!!" (hoping to hear, "give me the boppity!") but instead Craig screamed "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!" It made me quite happy.


He sang a lot of songs. At one point he had the whole crowd sing that song by KC and JoJo. "All my liiiiiife I prayed for someone like yoooooou"


"Take your panties off. OOOOH TAKE YOUR PANTIES OFF!!!!"


"I was running from the police the other day...they told me it was illegal to sell marijuana. I said, 'what do you want me to do? Give it away?!'"


At one point my friend Jeff yelled out, "Craig, I love you!" this made Craig uncomfortable and his response was, "I'm scared to look over there....I love you too"

Winter Break:
Who is That White Guy & Why is He in So Many Pictures? Or the Story of How Cleveland is the Poor Man's Boston.

This past Winter break was the best in recent memory. Why? Because I didn't sit in Springfield.

Me partying like a motherfucking rock star on my 21st birthday. I was so totally gone off of that--what's that can say? Diet...Arizona...Green...Tea? Yeah, shiz had me *smashed* HOLLEEEEEERRR!!!


For my 21st my wonderful boyfriend decided to become a 3rd Reich Saluting, Hitler Hailing Neo-Nazi (aka inadvertently shaved his head)...


My initial reaction was a sweeping feeling of despair, shame and embarrassment.


Yes, you should bow your alopecian-like head in shame. Tsk Tsk.


I got over it...but not before I ridiculed my boyfriend for days & days, weeks & weeks and of course, right now.

We went to dinner at a fancy schmancy restaurant that was way too classy for me--the waiter put my napkin on my lap for me. Thanks??? I imagine that's how white ladies get treated at like...Applebee's and whatnot, it was good to experience that for myself...also the food was amazing at the atmosphere was cool. White ladies sure do have it nice.


After dinner I totally did some stuff that people who turn 21 do...I didn't just go to blockbuster and back to Matt's house. I didn't put on my PJs and go to bed at a reasonable hour. No, in fact, I stayed up all night and chugged that bottle of--what's that say?......Canada Dry? Really?


Here I am totally effing s-word faced. People probably had to carry me to bed and I bet I threw up everywhere. I don't even know how I held up this camera. Probably because I'm just *that* obsessed with myself...

Ok, I've upheld this ruse for too long--I wasn't totally effing s-word faced. What?! I know, I know. I'm sorry! I just wanted to seem like one of those sloppy, pukey, belligerent chicks...you know, "drunk and hot girls." I hate myself for lying to you. All 3 of you.

So I spent the next few days laying around trying to recover from my horrible, yet finally legal hangover (lie) so there's a gap in time/pictures...

Later, we went to Cleveland for a Cavs/Lakers game. LeBron & Kobe! "KOBEEEE!" (<-- love contract sketch, holler if you hear me)


The pregame spectacle of Quicken Loans Arena. That was about as dramatic as it got. Not counting the half-time magic show. Seriously, that magician was the most skilled illusionist this side of the Alleghany River (lie).


The Q. It was a full house that night. It doesn't get much bigger than LeBron & Kobe.


I am a witness...and I believe...and I don't want to be him, I want to be better than him...and what's something else from a LeBron commercial that I can use as filler?


Tip-Off


Sasha & one of my personal faves Mr. Zydrunas Ilgauskis


Here we are excited to see:
Zydrunas "Z" Ilgauskis
Daniel "Boobie" Gibson
Larry "Smooth" Hughes
Damon "the best shooter in the NBA" Jones (lie)
Anderson "Fro Floppin'' Varejao
Drew "that guy had weird hair last season" Gooden.

Wait, I feel like I'm forgetting someone....oh well, he must not be that good then (lie).

LeFreeThrow, I don't remember if that went down or not but I'm sure Skip Bayless does.


Z fouling Kobe. Yeah, you can't guard that...he's Kobe Bryant, son!


Kobe, damn it!


Alas the scoreboard proved 24's efforts to be in vain. Much like the white ho who tried to stick him for his riches--he got that snatch..."FOR FREE!" Unless you count that ring he got his wife, then it was very much not for free...it was like $4 million dollar snatch.

But I digress; the point is, THE CAVS WON! WOOO!


After the game. Matt (Chasar) & Renee, Matt (Ellinger) & Myself, Matt (Jackson) & Ashley. *Racist Moment Warning* Note that the only people wearing coats are the two black girls and the white guy who hates white people. Mmmhmm. White people are crazy. Get a damn coat, crackers! *This has been a Racist Moment, Sponsored by Rev. Al Sharpton*

After the game...or before the game, I don't really remember:



Notice that you can't see my face in these pictures...could I be ashamed of something?

Or maybe I'm just lying and manipulating the images in order to push along an already flimsy narrative. But isn't that what this blog is all about?

Truthfully, I like the camera as close to my face as possible:

That is *too* close.


Alec Baldwin('s character on "30 Rock") was once quoted as saying "We'd all love to flee to the Cleve!"

Cleveland: Where Amazing Happens (except when the whole team is injured and Cavs lose to the Nuggets at home by 30).

The next day we headed back home and got ready to see the Browns/Bengals game in Cincy.

The night before the game I got so excited I started playing some serious riffs on my 1967 Gibson "Les Air". I played the Fight Riff.
"JOHN! JOHN! PLAY THE FIGHT RIFF!!!!" (<-- Chappelle/Mayer ...anyone?)


Matt was excited too so he danced to my fight riff (also he's white and white people love guitar). He started yelling "WIPE ME DOOOOOOOOOWN!" (lie).

The next morning we woke up super excited for the game.

My Browns hat and I got heckled. Derek Anderson throwing 4 picks was apparently my fault and also I am a "bitch" because my team lost. Oh Cincinnati, you are truly the definition of class. Thank you.

You know what I say to you Cincinnati?!

Take THAT!


Cinergy field on a freeeeeeeeeeeeezing afternoon.


Matt's reaction to Derek's poor performance.

This is how much Matt adores the Cleveland Browns:
He likes it when Derek Anderson & Kellen Winslow Jr. hook-up for the big O.
He'd hold Phil Dawson's ball any day.
He says Joe Jurevicius takes hard hits and plays rough.
He would do anything to get into Josh's Cribb.
He always talks about he and his "nigga Orpheous" Roy (and Bo-Vice too).
He always compliments Braylon Edwards' soft hands...among other parts.
He likes when Jamal is at the bottom of a pile of big sweaty men.
He enjoys seeing Joe Thomas get low.
He said Leigh Bodden could be on his D anytime.
I could go on for days and days, it's amazing how good I am at that.


In reality he's a Bengals fan...so just replace all those Brownie names with Ocho Cinco, TJ, Carson, etc....the homosexual things are all still true.

When he reads this I assume he'll have this reaction:

...yep.




Philly Phil putting it through for....1.


Jamal getting ready to run right through Cincy's horrendous D.


We had great seats. It was really fun.






4 picks Derek?! Really!? C'MON!

That loss right there pretty much ended the Cinderella season for the Browns. But hey, trading Charlie Frye after week one? A 10 win season? Can't ask for more than that.

Here is the moral or...whatever of this post (I guess):

Cavs Eastern Conference Champs, swept in the NBA Finals (I'm going on a limb to say the Celtics will be the EC Champs this season). Cleveland Indians winners of their Division, lost ALCS (to none other but Boston). Browns won 10 games when people were predicting 4 or 5 but missed out on the playoffs.

In other words, no one almost gets the job done better than Cleveland.
Cleveland Sports: The Poor Man's Boston